Handcuffs, Alleyways, and Wasted Apologies
by chairness
Summary: She can't be with him, but he's everything she wants. One drunken night could cause her resolve to slip, and more than one heart to break.


**Just a little oneshot i wrote after watching the Canadian promo for 5.12 :) enjoy.**

...

Blair hugged her pillow tight as she chewed on her bottom lip. Her head throbbed with every thought that crossed her mind, making it terribly hard for her to recollect the events of last night. Brief images flashed though her mind: a touchy clubber, handcuffs, a dirty alleyway…

But no complete memories filled her mind. As Blair's eyebrows furrowed in frustration at being unable to remember what had happened, a soft voice came from the hallway.

"Chuck, you should leave. Before Louis comes back."

"Not until I know she's all right."

"Chuck, you should go before she wakes up. She's had such a night already. I'll make sure she's okay."

There was a pause, and then the sound of footsteps walking down a flight of stairs, and Blair's experiences from last night began piecing together inside her head.

...

It was the night of her bachelorette party. Louis was at his own party with some of his cousins from Monaco, and would be spending the night as his cousin's. As the night wore on, Blair and her friends got more intoxicated, and less uptight. That would explain why Blair let that clubber anywhere near there.

"Hey!" She snapped playfully, slapping away his hand, which was in a borderline frowned upon position. "I'm engaged." She drawled, extending her left hand. The blue lights from the club created a pretty reflection on her canary ring.

She shooed the clubber off, and looked across the room, spotting a somber Serena. She was playing with an olive from her untouched martini. A sober Serena at a club was quite the rare sighting, which was what raised Blair's concern. Upon confronting her best friend, Blair could only remember Serena saying something about Dan and the fact that he wasn't interested. Her hangover wouldn't let her recall the entire conversation, but she picked up a few sentences.

"Oh, come on S, Humphrey has basically been in love with you since before you two met."

"That's what I had been hoping. But I guess he's moved on."

"Please, now that Ms. I-think-I'm-better-than-everyone-else Abrams is out of town, who else would he take interest in?"

"You'd be surprised." Serena muttered.

"Well, I think you're better off without him. He really did bring your extravagance down. What's become of you and Nate?"

This was as far as Blair could remember. The next scene she could deduce from the depths of her mind was her stumbling outside, giggling at a dirty joke a drunken Kati had whispered in her ear. Next thing she knew, Blair was retching right onto a car, wondering why she was seeing flashing red lights in her spinning world. She realized all too late that it was a police car she had disposed the contents of her drinks on.

What happened next was a blur. There was the uncomfortable feeling of being handcuffed, and the stern tones of the officers arguing with two very familiar voices. It took a moment for her to remember that they belonged to Chuck and Dan.

"She engaged—and very soon to be married—to a prince." There was a hint of pain behind this statement, so it had to be Chuck defending her. "I don't think he would be very happy to know that you arrested her on the night of her bachelorette party." His voice was so serious and scolding , Blair had to laugh. It was almost like Chuck was cracking a joke at Louis' royal status.

"How come I've never heard of this royal engagement?"

"Blair Waldorf and Louis Grimaldi? They're the talk of Manhattan. How have you not seen them in the tabloids?"

Blair was sure that Chuck's much too dramatic tone was secretly meant to be mocking. And she couldn't blame him. She even stifled back a laugh herself. Her head was pounding from all the thinking, so Blair lay back down. She looked at a piece of crumpled paper on her nightstand. It was a list of all the things she had to do before the wedding. A feeling of exhaustion swept over her. Her wedding. It was only a few days away, and she wasn't ready at all. Of course, every single detail of her wedding had been planned out before she even entered high school. Everything (and their backups) were completely ready for her wedding. But emotionally? She wasn't prepared at all. Hell, she'd never be ready even if Louis gave her five years. Blair sighed just as she heard approaching footsteps.

"Blair?" Serena walked in the room, clutching a fresh-brewed cup of tea in her hands.

…

Chuck poured himself a cup of Vodka. He brought it up halfway to his mouth, stared at it, and then put it back down. He hadn't slept at all the entire night. He was too busy pondering everything that had happened.

"Blair Waldorf and Louis Grimaldi?" Chuck laughed, hoping the officer (or Blair) hadn't caught the choke in his voice. "They're the talk of Manhattan. How have you not seen them in the tabloids?" _They're basically unavoidable._ He thought. _Trust me, I've tried. _"You wouldn't want him to come down here and make a big deal of things would you?" Chuck sighed, and pulled out his wallet, pulling out two crisp hundred dollar bills. "Here, officer, for your troubles tonight. This is more than enough for a nice car wash."

The officer took the bills wordlessly, and put away his notepad. He pulled out a tiny key and took the handcuffs off of Blair's wrists. Chuck looked around. The rest of Blair's party had scattered at the sight of the officer, and Dan was off talking with Serena. Chuck couldn't help but feel jealous as he watched Dan laugh at something Serena said. _At least he could get over Blair if he wanted to. _He turned back to take Blair home, only to see her stumbling into an alleyway. Chuck sighed and went after her. He forgot how difficult Blair was to handle when she was drunk.

He followed her into the dark alley, thinking to himself. Hadn't Blair rejected him for Louis? So why did he have to be the one to take care of her? She even spent more time with Humphrey than him. _It's pathetic how much I love her, how much I'd do for her. _Chuck gritted his teeth in frustration. How would he ever move on and get over her? It was, in fact, pathetic how he couldn't even see a future where he wasn't madly in love with her.

He found her sprawled on a pile of trash bags, wiping a stream of tears with the sleeves of her dress. Even now, as she was in the most unattractive state possible, she was breathtaking to him. She always would be.

"Blair." Chuck made his way towards her and grimaced as he forced himself to sit on the germ-infested floor. He pulled her towards him, attempting to lift her up so he could take her home. Instead, she immediately softened against him, her body taking up the space around his. It felt like they were two broken pieces that were the perfect fit.

Chuck didn't protest. He had spent too long fighting against everything he felt for Blair. He was too exhausted now to try to fight the inevitable tonight.

"Chuck, my wedding is in 3 days." He almost didn't hear her through the sobs.

"I know." Chuck replied. How could he forget?

"I'm not ready." Blair choked on a sob, and uttered a hiccup. "I don't want to marry Louis."

"What?" Of all the things Blair could have thrown at him right now, this was the last of what he expected. "I thought you wanted to marry him. I thought you _chose _him over me."

"I know, and I'm sorry!" He could almost feel the self-loathing in her voice. "It's you." She sniffed and looked up at him with that doe-eyed look he practically had memorized. "I want to marry _you_."

Chuck didn't know what she was saying, or if she meant it. After all, she was incredibly intoxicated. "Wh—"

Before he could finish, she had put her lips to his. It was much different from all the kisses that she'd given him before. This time, it was frantic, desperate, it felt _forbidden_. Chuck knew he should have stopped it. For once, he was the sober one, and therefore he should keep the situation under control. But he couldn't. He knew that Blair would punish him for this in the morning: scold him for taking advantage of the moment, maybe even accuse him of returning to his dark ways. But he didn't care about that now. All he could think was: _I'm kissing Blair Waldorf. _

Chuck kept waiting for Blair to realize what she was doing, but no one stopped the kiss. At some point, it stopped feeling wrong, and all it felt was right.

"Blair!"

Chuck pulled away at once, but Blair still reached, upset that the voice had broken off their kiss. It was Serena's voice. She stood at the opening of the alleyway, marching towards them. Chuck had expected the slap, but he still recoiled at the icy hit across his face. Blair did nothing in the few seconds

"Chuck, how could you?" Serena shrieked, pulling a now barely responsive Blair from the ground.

"I'm sorry." He meant it as he wiped his mouth, still feeling the exact place where her lips had met his. "I just…it came out of nowhere and I didn't…I couldn't…"

Serena looked the slightest bit more understanding for a second, but flashed him a cold glance after. She pulled Blair up and began walking her towards the main street, calling for a taxi. Since it was Serena, a yellow cab immediately pulled up the moment her hand went up.

Chuck didn't bother following them. He stood there for a moment and watched the cab drive away. After a few minutes he remembered that Arthur was still waiting for him around the corner.

It wasn't until he was in the limo and headed to the Empire that the numbness of tonight wore off a bit. He began thinking of Blair, of how she had kissed him like she'd been saving it for him since the accident. He wondered if it was possible that none of this was Blair's fault. If perhaps Blair was just as miserable as he was. The longer he sat in the limo, the more he thought and mused. So it wasn't a surprise when he felt the words slip out of his mouth.

"Arthur, change of course, we're going to the Waldorf penthouse."

...

He heard the approaching footsteps as he stepped out of the elevator. He took a breath, bracing himself for an encounter that he realized he wasn't prepared for. But instead, it was Serena who greeted him with a hostile glare.

"Chuck. You need to leave now."

Chuck sighed. "I'm just as confused as you are. I don't know what it is you think I did tonight, but all I care about is her."

"She's asleep." Her icy mood seemed to be melting a little.

"Can I still see her?"

"She's pretty out of it." Serena looked up at the top of the stairwell. "But…I suppose if you want to see her, go ahead. Just please don't do anything stupid." He knew her last sentence wasn't unintentional.

He walked up the stairs not knowing what he was going to say or do once he reached the door that he knew from years of experience was Blair's. He opened the door, half-expecting himself to wake her up and figure out what the hell it was that she gave him tonight. But at the sight of her face, so angel-like, he didn't dare touch her, afraid that his flaws would spoil her perfection. He felt a wash of déjà vu as he recalled the night so many years ago when he had written that note to her just after his father's death. He had sat there and watched her sleep for hours before he made himself leave, knowing he'd never be good enough for her, that she'd be better off without him.

Chuck didn't sit down, knowing that once he did he'd never be able to leave her bedside this time. So he just adjusted her blankets, giving himself a reason to stay a little longer. His hand accidentally brushed against her arm, and she stirred. Chuck decided to choose this moment to leave. They could talk things out later.

"Chuck?"

He turned around, and saw that all of those expressions she didn't wear when she slept were returning.

"Hey." He forced a smirk. "I was just leaving."

"You took care of me?" Her face seemed to lighten at the idea, and it pained Chuck to take it away as he shook his head.

"No, Serena did. She wouldn't let me help you."

"Why?" She looked confused for a second before a look of recognition crossed her face. It was only there for a moment, self-loathing and pain quickly replaced it.

"I'm sorry."

"For what?" He pretended not to look hopeful, but she saw through his facades much too easily.

"For all the things I shouldn't have done tonight."

Chuck's gaze dropped to the floor. He knew he had been hoping for too much. She tried to hold his gaze, but he kept looking away.

"I have to marry Louis."

He paused, and then nodded, pretending to understand, because he could see written all across her face that she was just as hurt and in pain as he was. He saw then that this was as beyond her control as it was his. And right now, she didn't need someone to fire accusations at her. So he didn't say anything and just let her take his hand. They were over pretending like there was nothing in between them.

"I'm sorry…Chuck."

"I know."

It seemed like countless apologies were all she could offer him.

He sat there until she was snoring lightly, and he was sure she wouldn't be able to hear him.

"I love you, Blair. You know I always will."

It could've been an illusion, but he could've sworn that he saw the smallest smile form on her lips.


End file.
